"Oh no, there are lots, lots of people that I know. Pouff! They have beautiful houses. This country is full of beautiful houses in the country. Fantastic." But the man in flip-flops, I suggest, might argue that the important thing is to enjoy the theatre, not what you wear to it.
If snakes were shooting out of my ears I doubt Valentino could look more concerned about this freak on his sofa. "You don't like? To go proper? You don't agree?" He looks crestfallen, then offers magnanimously: "You can go in a pair of blue jeans and a black sweater, OK? Yes, for a woman it's much easier. But for a man, when he goes in shorts and a T-shirt and flip-flop – sorry. No. No."
Valentino gowns from the new exhibition of his couture designs at Somerset House, London. Photomontage: Guardian Imaging
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